Sometimes the behaviors we develop when we are young can be connected to experiences we do not fully understand at the time.
When we feel hurt, afraid, powerless, or unable to express what we need, we may find our own ways of coping.
In this conversation, Adeline shares a personal story about stealing and reflects on the connection between being hurt and how she responded.
Her story invites us to look beyond a behavior and consider the experiences surrounding it.
💭 When Hurt Changes How We Respond
Being hurt can affect how we see other people.
It can affect how we protect ourselves.
It can affect how we respond when we feel threatened or rejected.
For a child, understanding these feelings can be especially difficult.
Children do not always have the words to explain what they are experiencing.
Sometimes, their behavior becomes the way they communicate.
🧒 The Ways We Learn to Protect Ourselves
Growing up, we develop different ways of dealing with difficult situations.
Some people become quiet.
Some become angry.
Some try to please everyone.
Some withdraw.
Others may act in ways that adults do not understand.
These behaviors can become coping strategies.
Understanding where they came from does not necessarily mean saying every behavior was okay. It means looking at the whole story.
🏫 Another Chapter From Boarding School
Adeline’s boarding school stories give us another glimpse into her childhood.
Being away from home can create an environment where a child has to adapt quickly.
There are rules.
There are expectations.
There are relationships to navigate.
And there may be situations where a child does not know who to turn to.
These experiences can become important chapters in a person’s life story.
🧠 Looking Beyond the Behavior
It can be easy to look at a behavior and immediately decide what it means about a person.
But there can be more underneath.
Instead of only asking:
“What did I do?”
We can sometimes also ask:
“What was happening to me?”
“What was I feeling?”
“What was I trying to protect?”
“What did I need?”
These questions can help us understand our younger selves more compassionately.
💗 Understanding Does Not Mean Excusing
Looking at the experiences behind a behavior does not mean that there are no consequences.
It means making room for a fuller understanding.
We can recognize that something was wrong while also recognizing that there may have been pain, fear, or unmet needs behind it.
Both things can be true.
🌱 We Can Grow Beyond Old Patterns
The ways we responded as children do not have to become the ways we respond forever.
As we grow, we can learn new ways to communicate.
We can learn to ask for help.
We can learn to set boundaries.
We can learn to talk about hurt instead of acting from it.
Growth can begin when we become curious about ourselves.
🤝 Healing Through Understanding
Sometimes understanding our past helps us understand our present.
We may notice patterns in how we react to conflict.
We may recognize why certain situations feel particularly difficult.
We may become more compassionate toward ourselves.
And we may begin choosing different responses.
Healing does not require pretending that difficult experiences never happened.
It can mean learning from them and deciding what we want to carry forward.
✨ Your Past Is Not Your Whole Identity
Everyone has chapters of their life they may look back on differently.
Some chapters may make us proud.
Others may make us uncomfortable.
But one chapter does not define an entire person.
We are capable of learning.
We are capable of changing.
And we are capable of creating new chapters.
💗 There Is More to Every Story
A behavior is only one part of a story.
Behind it may be a child trying to understand the world.
Behind it may be fear.
Behind it may be hurt.
Behind it may be a need that was never expressed.
Adeline’s story reminds us that sometimes understanding where we came from can help us better understand who we are today.
💗 Love Love Brain Note
Every person’s experiences and coping responses are different. Adeline’s story is personal and is shared for reflection, connection, and understanding. Understanding the experiences behind a behavior does not mean excusing harmful actions.
Do you Love Love YOUR Brain?